Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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