so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
