Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
did you just send me my own nude
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
