My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
