Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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