well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
