I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
