As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
