You smell like a Billy Joel song
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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