I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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