remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
