Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
