real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
