YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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