nut hugger
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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