11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
one might say we're banned from that church
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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