I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
