after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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