The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
