Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
