im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
