I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
