I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
