Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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