And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
