god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
