The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
