I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
