hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
