I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
