I saw his package. It spoke to me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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