Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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