Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
