Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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