Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She announced her abortion via fbk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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