Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
