Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
