my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
