Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
