Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
