there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
