It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
