Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
