I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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