just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
