she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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