At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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