So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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