the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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