whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
