Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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