he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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