the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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