Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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