i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't notice because vodka
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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