can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
