1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my phone needs a breathalizer
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
