Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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