The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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