my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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