so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
