My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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