If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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