um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
