dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
