did you get engaged???
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize