he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
